Life as a Movie

Earlier this year, I read a book called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It was written by Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz. This was the first book that I've read by him, but I doubt it will be my last. The first thing I noticed appreciated about this book was his writing style. He writes with very concise, choppy sentences. Kind of like this. Or this. It's a style that you don't (or at least I don't) see frequently. Kind of reminded me of Steinbeck or Hemmingway. I love it.

Beyond my appreciation of his writing style, this book laid out an interesting perspective on life. The premise of the book is that our life is like a movie. We are the main character. Every movie has a storyline-a plot. Some stories are more entertaining than others. Some are full of excitement, while others are dull. But any good storyline has a climax and an anti-climax. And what really makes stories interesting is conflict. It can be conflicting ideologies, a lovers' quarrel, a misunderstanding, a war. Conflict is interwoven throughout the plot, creating varied interaction between characters. Conflict leads to the climax, which in turn, leads to a resolution. Without these elements, the storyline is boring.

Our lives are very much the same way. Miller paralleled conflict in a movie to conflict in our lives, and talked about conflict as an opportunity for growth. Conflict doesn't have to be an argument with our friend or fist fight. It can be an internal struggle, a mind game, conquering our fears, stepping out on that limb, even if we're afraid it might snap. When we settle for complacency and refuse to take those leaps of faith because we're afraid, our life is like a boring movie. No excitement, no conflict, no climax, and no resolution.

There are countless times in my life when I've been afraid to do something. Afraid of the unknown, afraid of under-thinking, afraid of over-thinking, afraid of change... I was afraid to go to college all the way across the country, but I did it, and I have grown in so many ways because of it. I was afraid to move back to Philly for a job, but I did it, and it's been an incredible experience. I've been afraid to let go of certain relationships, but I've done it, because I knew deep down inside that it was the right thing to do. My point: Not to tell you the story of my life via my fears, but to emphasize the importance of allowing conflict into your life, because conflict creates opportunities for growth. So the next time you face an obstacle in your life that is hindering you from being who you want to be or heading in the direction you want to go, woman (or man) up and face it head on. It might hurt a little bit, but it will be worth it!

Chivalry is Asleep

I went out to lunch with one of my guy friends several days ago, and the restaurant was crowded, so we were waiting to be seated. An older couple (in their late 70s or early 80s, I suspect) walked into the restaurant a couple minutes after us. My friend and I were sitting on the bench, and he immediately stood up so that the woman could have a seat. I then proceeded to stand up, so that the man could have a seat too. They both had canes, and I figured they would enjoy the comfy seats more than I would. As soon as I stood up, the old man told me to sit back down. Said he liked to stand. I hesitated, but he insisted. So I sat back down. He then jovially informed me that "Chivalry isn't dead; it's just asleep." What a relief! *Sigh. I have a weakness for old men who wear suspenders, bow ties and Velcro shoes.

The conversation continued. The old man pointed to his cane and said, "You probably think I got this cane from being a veteran of one of the World Wars. Well, I'm here to tell you that I got this cane from being an idiot in the parking lot." The woman pointed to her cane and said, "And I have a bad knee." They then proceeded to tell us about how they had both served in WWII (he was on active duty, she was a nurse), and he pulled a little card out of his pocket that had a picture of his wife receiving a special military veteran award. He proudly bragged a about her accomplishments, and vice a versa. We found out that they met at Villanova back in the 50s and have been smitten with each other ever since. So cute. After a few more minutes of conversing, they called our table, so we said goodbye.

Over lunch, I started thinking about what he said... about how chivalry is asleep. It's so true. Things aren't like they used to be. Guys don't treat girls with the same respect that they used to (broad generalization), and, frankly, girls don't demand it like they should. Having a guy open your door, walk on the edge of the sidewalk closer to traffic or pull off the road to help you change a tire aren't bad things. In fact, they should be expected. I think. I'm probably going to regret this paragraph immediately after publishing the post, since one of my upcoming posts is going to be about how much I love being independent and fully capable of taking care of myself. But, at this moment, I'm feeling like there's not enough chivalry in the world. So guys, step it up a notch. And girls, don't forget to thank your man for his chivalrous behavior. It's rare these days.

Commercialized Love

Welcome to February, the month of love. Commercialized love, that is. The month of long stem red roses, diamond bracelets, copious amounts of chocolate and stuffed animals holding hearts that say "I love you" when pressed. And all of this to celebrate a little tradition called Valentine's Day.

Well, I guess it's really not so little, since it has been celebrated in a number of countries around the world for centuries. But where did this tradition come from? The story goes something like this: St. Valentine was a Catholic priest who served in Rome in the third century. During that time, Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for all the young men in the country, arguing that they made better soldiers when they were single. St. Valentine felt that this decision was unjust, so he continued performing marriages in secret. Eventually, he was caught, imprisoned and killed for defying the law. However, his story and what he stood for- true love- live on, at least in part.

The meaning behind Valentine's Day has become a bit distorted, in my opinion. Or perhaps it's society's view on love that has become distorted. Valentine's Day has become another opportunity for businesses to make an extra buck off of unsuspecting consumers. But, I suppose we know what we're getting ourselves into, since we're the ones buying into the commercialization of the holiday. As soon as February 1 rolls around, and often before then, we begin to be inundated with commercials about love, and how you can show her you really love her by buying a 14 kt gold diamond and ruby bracelet with a matching pair of diamond studs, on special for only $499.99. Can't afford it? Don't worry, we offer financing. And don't forget to pick up a dozen long stem roses, which just so happen to be tripled in price to compensate for the extra 3/4" of ribbon and overabundance of cellophane wrap, which all contribute to the illusion of "love."Supply and demand. Or is it demand and supply?

All of these material objects are paraded around as if they represent love. Sure, these things can be an expression of one's love, but they don't represent it. "Love is patient, love is kind." Love is not a diamond bracelet or dinner at a 5 star restaurant. Love is not a dozen roses, or even two dozen roses. And it is certainly not a stuffed animal holding a giant red heart. That's disgusting. I once received a rather large balloon for V Day that would play "I love you, babe" every time it was touched. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend the following weekend. No, not because of the balloon, although subconsciously, there may have been a correlation. Why didn't he go for the diamond bracelet instead???

Perhaps I'm painting Valentine's Day in a negative light, as a result of my cynicism and frustration. Or maybe I'm painting it in a rational light. I mean, if you love someone, you should love them all year long, right? You could buy her flowers or make him dinner any day of the year. So I don't see the need to put all of this pressure on one particular day, setting expectations extremely high, which often leads to disappointment and an empty bank account. If you want to get her flowers or a diamond bracelet, by all means, do it. But not because it's what society has said is the right thing to do, and certainly not because you let clever marketing campaigns get the best of you.

Enjoy Valentine's Day, but remember what it's really about: LOVE. Not things. Not chocolate covered strawberries, candied hearts or diamond rings. And while you're enjoying the day, check out this classic video, which offers a bit of wisdom, in addition to a fabulous tune.

For more details on the history of Valentine's Day,  check out http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day.

Just Friends

"To me, coming from you, friend is a four-letter word." -Cake

One of the things that I have contemplated a lot over the years is whether guys and girls can be just friends. I mean, is it possible to have a friendship that is based from the very beginning strictly on platonic love and affection? More often than not, I think the answer is no. In my experience, there is always some sort of physical attraction from at least one party in every guy-girl relationship. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, in which case the friendship evolves into a more romantic relationship. But when the feelings are not reciprocated, an awkward situation ensues. Especially if the feelings are verbalized to the other person in a very vulnerable way. Epic fail.

Not only has that person (person A) been crushed with the realization that the other person (person B) does not feel the same way, but the friendship as it once was has been compromised, and they (A) are now left with the task of trying to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, mend them back together, and restore the friendship to its original grandeur. Impossible? Quite possibly, but not definitely. You see, once the cat is out of the bag, once the other person (B) knows that you (A) like them as more than just a friend, and once you (A) know that they (B) know, it becomes a bit difficult to interact on a normal level. The challenge is trying to figure out if and how to continue the friendship.

One solution is to act like it never happened. Move on like it was a drunken mistake or a big joke. Refuse to mention that awkward moment again, carrying on as if nothing has changed. This could work, but it would require person A to completely bottle up their feelings. Another solution is to take a break, allowing person A to get over person B. This might take 2 weeks, or it might take 2 years. When person A decides they have appropriately healed, they can take a stab at the friendship again. The problem is that once someone has "moved on" in a romantic way, they have often "moved on" in a non-romantic way as well. But not always. I'm sure there are plenty of friendships that have been thrown into the spin cycle, only to be taken out of the dryer 45 minutes later in even better shape than when they started. But I'm pretty sure that's rare.

The reason that I'm writing on this specific topic is that I recently experienced a classic example of "just friends." I was person A. Being relegated to the friend zone is not my favorite thing in life. But it's also not the worst thing. Painful? Yes. Embarrassing? Yes. Awkward? Definitely. Funny? It will be in the future. I'm looking forward to that day. For now, I remain vulnerable. But vulnerable is a good place to be sometimes. It's honest. And human. And healing.

If you haven't seen the movie "Just Friends," you should make it happen. Especially if you have ever been on either side of this kind of relationship. It will provide a comedic take on the "friend zone," particularly emphasizing the frustrations that emerge for the friend who is hoping for something more.

Call Me Frank

I don't frequent bars frequently, but when I do, I always meet the most interesting characters. The other night, I went out with a group of friends for dinner and drinks. We stayed for a while, drinking and talking, talking and drinking. And eating sweet potato fries. Most of the group ended up leaving after a couple of hours, but I was having a great time and decided that I wanted to stay. I noticed a dart board and convinced my two friends who were left to join me in a game.

I'm fairly good at darts, but in all honestly, I'm convinced that it's beginners' luck. I haven't played very much, so I certainly can't attribute it to practice. There's no other logical explanation. Anyway, we decided to play Cricket, which I had never played before. They explained the rules to me, and then we started throwing. About halfway through our first game (at which point I was in the lead), two middle-aged men came stumbling into the bar from the outdoor patio. Ok, they weren't quite stumbling, but they were a couple drinks for the worse. They assumed a position next to us and were observing the game with great interest.

After my turn, I walked back to my spot and one of the men decided to strike up a conversation. He asked me if I played darts professionally, and I laughed and told him that I definitely did not. A few awkward words were exchanged, and it was my turn again. A couple minutes passed, and he approached me again and asked if I played on a league of some sort. Negative. The conversation that followed went something like this:

Drunk guy: Well, I like your throwing style. You throw with a lot of ease. And you throw with attitude. 
Me: Haha. Attitude is one thing that I am not lacking in. 
Drunk guy: It looks like throwing comes naturally to you. You're good. 
Me: Well, thank you, sir! 
Drunk guy: I'm no sir. Call me Frank. I'm a working man. 
Me: HAHAHAHA (silently, of course)!

At this point, I was way overdue for my turn. So my friend came to rescue me, and I step up to the line, feeling tons of pressure after the convo and knowing that Frank was watching me. But I didn't buckle, and I finished out the game strong with a win. Again, beginners' luck. All in all, it was a great evening, and I certainly got a few laughs out of Frank the working man!

Awkward Greetings

I've had a lot of awkward experiences in my life, usually because I create them. It's just one of my many talents. Something that I've observed over the years is that greetings can make for really awkward situations. There are so many different greetings that vary from culture to culture, that sometimes it's difficult to know what is expected and appropriate, depending on where you are and who you're with. Since I travel so much, it's challenging to keep track of the cultural greeting lingoes.

I was in Norway last week for work. This was my third time going, so I already knew everyone that I would be seeing. Monday morning, I showed up at the office and everyone was gathered in the common room. So I started making my rounds to say hi to everyone. Handshakes, hugs and smiles were exchanged. So far, so good. Then I got to the CFO, who I have had limited interaction with. He's about 6'3"; I'm 5'2". Automatically creates difficulties. I was waiting on his cues before making a move. So we went in for the hug, and he then proceeded to offer a kiss on the cheek. But by this point, I had already moved my face. As soon as I realized what he was doing, I tried turning my face back, but he was moving his face at the same time. Result: we nearly kissed on the lips. Wow. Disaster averted, but barely. Embarrassment on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest: 8.5. That was definitely not the first time this sort of thing has happened, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Based off of my experience, here's what I've concluded about appropriate greetings for different cultures. It obviously depends on the individual and how well you know them, but generally speaking:

• Norwegians either shake hands or offer a hug. 
• The English go for a kiss on one cheek. 
• Italians go for a kiss on both cheeks. 
• Americans shake hands. 
• Bangladeshi's shake hands. 
• Japanese bow. 
• Iranians offer a kiss on both cheeks. 
• Pakistani's shake hands, occasionally offering a hug.

That's about the extent of my knowledge on cultural business/personal interactions. These days, I try to be as strategic about positioning myself as possible. I don't make any assumptions about how the greeting is going to go. The more neutral I remain, the greater the chance that I won't embarrass myself any more than is absolutely necessary.

Traveling with Tards

I travel a lot. Sometimes for work, sometimes for pleasure, but regardless of the reason, I have found myself flying all over the world this past year. It's been fantastic. I love to travel, because traveling is an adventure. But, there have definitely been some less exciting parts to my trips. I'm thinking particularly about being stuck in confined spaces with annoying people for extensive periods of time. Old people, young people, fat people, infants. Especially infants. You know, the ones that start crying as soon as the plane takes off and don't stop until you've landed. The ones that just so happen to be sitting right in front of you. The ones that make you want to jump out of the plane halfway through the flight. Yep, those are the ones. Or the toddlers who have recently learned how to play soccer and decide to practice on the back of your seat. Also enjoyable.

Even worse than that, however, are the adults who are equally annoying. There's no excuse for their behavior, because they're old enough to control it. But I've discovered that age is not directly correlated to maturity or competence levels. On a recent flight, I sat across the aisle from this guy who was in his mid-20s. Baggy pants, brand name t-shirt, zip up hoodie. Oh, and hand-held video game. As soon as he sat down, he started playing with his toy. And yes, there were sound effects. I don't know that I've ever seen anyone as into a video game as he was. He finally turned it off to answer his cell phone, and then proceed to have a 5 minute conversation with someone who I assume was a lady friend of some sort WHEN WE WERE ALREADY IN THE AIR. Umm, hello? Did you not just hear the multiple announcements about turning off all electronics? Oh, I forgot, all you could hear were the explosion noises coming from your game. What an idiot.

On another recent trip, I sat next to a girl about my age. Cute girl, well-dressed, probably still in college. She seemed nice enough. And then she popped a piece of gum in her mouth and proceeded to chew like her life depended on it. There are not many things in life that annoy me more than obnoxious gum chewing. I was ready to slap that girl in the face so hard that either (1) she would choke to death on her gum or (2) the piece of gum would fly out of her mouth all the way to the other side of the plane. They turned on the approved electronics sign just in time for me to blast music on my ipod. She got lucky.

Just yesterday, I flew from Helsinki to London, and I had to go through customs at Heathrow. It's a rather large airport, and there are always a ton of people there. So I get in line to go through the security check, and I just so happen to get behind this guy who takes it upon himself to walk as slowly as is humanly possible. He had a sort of distinctive walk- the kind where you kick your leg out in front of you before actually taking a step forward. He was walking (and pulling his suitcase) so slowly that I nearly tripped over it several times. I was peeved.

These are just a few examples of the kind of people I've been fortunate enough to experience on my travels. There are many, many more, and I'm sure that my patience will be tested again. But if this is what I have to deal with in order to continue my traveling adventures, then so be it. Just know that if you decide to be an idiot, you will have a blog written about you!