Awkward Greetings

I've had a lot of awkward experiences in my life, usually because I create them. It's just one of my many talents. Something that I've observed over the years is that greetings can make for really awkward situations. There are so many different greetings that vary from culture to culture, that sometimes it's difficult to know what is expected and appropriate, depending on where you are and who you're with. Since I travel so much, it's challenging to keep track of the cultural greeting lingoes.

I was in Norway last week for work. This was my third time going, so I already knew everyone that I would be seeing. Monday morning, I showed up at the office and everyone was gathered in the common room. So I started making my rounds to say hi to everyone. Handshakes, hugs and smiles were exchanged. So far, so good. Then I got to the CFO, who I have had limited interaction with. He's about 6'3"; I'm 5'2". Automatically creates difficulties. I was waiting on his cues before making a move. So we went in for the hug, and he then proceeded to offer a kiss on the cheek. But by this point, I had already moved my face. As soon as I realized what he was doing, I tried turning my face back, but he was moving his face at the same time. Result: we nearly kissed on the lips. Wow. Disaster averted, but barely. Embarrassment on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest: 8.5. That was definitely not the first time this sort of thing has happened, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Based off of my experience, here's what I've concluded about appropriate greetings for different cultures. It obviously depends on the individual and how well you know them, but generally speaking:

• Norwegians either shake hands or offer a hug. 
• The English go for a kiss on one cheek. 
• Italians go for a kiss on both cheeks. 
• Americans shake hands. 
• Bangladeshi's shake hands. 
• Japanese bow. 
• Iranians offer a kiss on both cheeks. 
• Pakistani's shake hands, occasionally offering a hug.

That's about the extent of my knowledge on cultural business/personal interactions. These days, I try to be as strategic about positioning myself as possible. I don't make any assumptions about how the greeting is going to go. The more neutral I remain, the greater the chance that I won't embarrass myself any more than is absolutely necessary.