Commercialized Love

Welcome to February, the month of love. Commercialized love, that is. The month of long stem red roses, diamond bracelets, copious amounts of chocolate and stuffed animals holding hearts that say "I love you" when pressed. And all of this to celebrate a little tradition called Valentine's Day.

Well, I guess it's really not so little, since it has been celebrated in a number of countries around the world for centuries. But where did this tradition come from? The story goes something like this: St. Valentine was a Catholic priest who served in Rome in the third century. During that time, Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for all the young men in the country, arguing that they made better soldiers when they were single. St. Valentine felt that this decision was unjust, so he continued performing marriages in secret. Eventually, he was caught, imprisoned and killed for defying the law. However, his story and what he stood for- true love- live on, at least in part.

The meaning behind Valentine's Day has become a bit distorted, in my opinion. Or perhaps it's society's view on love that has become distorted. Valentine's Day has become another opportunity for businesses to make an extra buck off of unsuspecting consumers. But, I suppose we know what we're getting ourselves into, since we're the ones buying into the commercialization of the holiday. As soon as February 1 rolls around, and often before then, we begin to be inundated with commercials about love, and how you can show her you really love her by buying a 14 kt gold diamond and ruby bracelet with a matching pair of diamond studs, on special for only $499.99. Can't afford it? Don't worry, we offer financing. And don't forget to pick up a dozen long stem roses, which just so happen to be tripled in price to compensate for the extra 3/4" of ribbon and overabundance of cellophane wrap, which all contribute to the illusion of "love."Supply and demand. Or is it demand and supply?

All of these material objects are paraded around as if they represent love. Sure, these things can be an expression of one's love, but they don't represent it. "Love is patient, love is kind." Love is not a diamond bracelet or dinner at a 5 star restaurant. Love is not a dozen roses, or even two dozen roses. And it is certainly not a stuffed animal holding a giant red heart. That's disgusting. I once received a rather large balloon for V Day that would play "I love you, babe" every time it was touched. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend the following weekend. No, not because of the balloon, although subconsciously, there may have been a correlation. Why didn't he go for the diamond bracelet instead???

Perhaps I'm painting Valentine's Day in a negative light, as a result of my cynicism and frustration. Or maybe I'm painting it in a rational light. I mean, if you love someone, you should love them all year long, right? You could buy her flowers or make him dinner any day of the year. So I don't see the need to put all of this pressure on one particular day, setting expectations extremely high, which often leads to disappointment and an empty bank account. If you want to get her flowers or a diamond bracelet, by all means, do it. But not because it's what society has said is the right thing to do, and certainly not because you let clever marketing campaigns get the best of you.

Enjoy Valentine's Day, but remember what it's really about: LOVE. Not things. Not chocolate covered strawberries, candied hearts or diamond rings. And while you're enjoying the day, check out this classic video, which offers a bit of wisdom, in addition to a fabulous tune.

For more details on the history of Valentine's Day,  check out http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day.

Just Friends

"To me, coming from you, friend is a four-letter word." -Cake

One of the things that I have contemplated a lot over the years is whether guys and girls can be just friends. I mean, is it possible to have a friendship that is based from the very beginning strictly on platonic love and affection? More often than not, I think the answer is no. In my experience, there is always some sort of physical attraction from at least one party in every guy-girl relationship. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, in which case the friendship evolves into a more romantic relationship. But when the feelings are not reciprocated, an awkward situation ensues. Especially if the feelings are verbalized to the other person in a very vulnerable way. Epic fail.

Not only has that person (person A) been crushed with the realization that the other person (person B) does not feel the same way, but the friendship as it once was has been compromised, and they (A) are now left with the task of trying to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, mend them back together, and restore the friendship to its original grandeur. Impossible? Quite possibly, but not definitely. You see, once the cat is out of the bag, once the other person (B) knows that you (A) like them as more than just a friend, and once you (A) know that they (B) know, it becomes a bit difficult to interact on a normal level. The challenge is trying to figure out if and how to continue the friendship.

One solution is to act like it never happened. Move on like it was a drunken mistake or a big joke. Refuse to mention that awkward moment again, carrying on as if nothing has changed. This could work, but it would require person A to completely bottle up their feelings. Another solution is to take a break, allowing person A to get over person B. This might take 2 weeks, or it might take 2 years. When person A decides they have appropriately healed, they can take a stab at the friendship again. The problem is that once someone has "moved on" in a romantic way, they have often "moved on" in a non-romantic way as well. But not always. I'm sure there are plenty of friendships that have been thrown into the spin cycle, only to be taken out of the dryer 45 minutes later in even better shape than when they started. But I'm pretty sure that's rare.

The reason that I'm writing on this specific topic is that I recently experienced a classic example of "just friends." I was person A. Being relegated to the friend zone is not my favorite thing in life. But it's also not the worst thing. Painful? Yes. Embarrassing? Yes. Awkward? Definitely. Funny? It will be in the future. I'm looking forward to that day. For now, I remain vulnerable. But vulnerable is a good place to be sometimes. It's honest. And human. And healing.

If you haven't seen the movie "Just Friends," you should make it happen. Especially if you have ever been on either side of this kind of relationship. It will provide a comedic take on the "friend zone," particularly emphasizing the frustrations that emerge for the friend who is hoping for something more.

Call Me Frank

I don't frequent bars frequently, but when I do, I always meet the most interesting characters. The other night, I went out with a group of friends for dinner and drinks. We stayed for a while, drinking and talking, talking and drinking. And eating sweet potato fries. Most of the group ended up leaving after a couple of hours, but I was having a great time and decided that I wanted to stay. I noticed a dart board and convinced my two friends who were left to join me in a game.

I'm fairly good at darts, but in all honestly, I'm convinced that it's beginners' luck. I haven't played very much, so I certainly can't attribute it to practice. There's no other logical explanation. Anyway, we decided to play Cricket, which I had never played before. They explained the rules to me, and then we started throwing. About halfway through our first game (at which point I was in the lead), two middle-aged men came stumbling into the bar from the outdoor patio. Ok, they weren't quite stumbling, but they were a couple drinks for the worse. They assumed a position next to us and were observing the game with great interest.

After my turn, I walked back to my spot and one of the men decided to strike up a conversation. He asked me if I played darts professionally, and I laughed and told him that I definitely did not. A few awkward words were exchanged, and it was my turn again. A couple minutes passed, and he approached me again and asked if I played on a league of some sort. Negative. The conversation that followed went something like this:

Drunk guy: Well, I like your throwing style. You throw with a lot of ease. And you throw with attitude. 
Me: Haha. Attitude is one thing that I am not lacking in. 
Drunk guy: It looks like throwing comes naturally to you. You're good. 
Me: Well, thank you, sir! 
Drunk guy: I'm no sir. Call me Frank. I'm a working man. 
Me: HAHAHAHA (silently, of course)!

At this point, I was way overdue for my turn. So my friend came to rescue me, and I step up to the line, feeling tons of pressure after the convo and knowing that Frank was watching me. But I didn't buckle, and I finished out the game strong with a win. Again, beginners' luck. All in all, it was a great evening, and I certainly got a few laughs out of Frank the working man!