One of the things that I have contemplated a lot over the years is whether guys and girls can be just friends. I mean, is it possible to have a friendship that is based from the very beginning strictly on platonic love and affection? More often than not, I think the answer is no. In my experience, there is always some sort of physical attraction from at least one party in every guy-girl relationship. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, in which case the friendship evolves into a more romantic relationship. But when the feelings are not reciprocated, an awkward situation ensues. Especially if the feelings are verbalized to the other person in a very vulnerable way. Epic fail.
Not only has that person (person A) been crushed with the realization that the other person (person B) does not feel the same way, but the friendship as it once was has been compromised, and they (A) are now left with the task of trying to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, mend them back together, and restore the friendship to its original grandeur. Impossible? Quite possibly, but not definitely. You see, once the cat is out of the bag, once the other person (B) knows that you (A) like them as more than just a friend, and once you (A) know that they (B) know, it becomes a bit difficult to interact on a normal level. The challenge is trying to figure out if and how to continue the friendship.
One solution is to act like it never happened. Move on like it was a drunken mistake or a big joke. Refuse to mention that awkward moment again, carrying on as if nothing has changed. This could work, but it would require person A to completely bottle up their feelings. Another solution is to take a break, allowing person A to get over person B. This might take 2 weeks, or it might take 2 years. When person A decides they have appropriately healed, they can take a stab at the friendship again. The problem is that once someone has "moved on" in a romantic way, they have often "moved on" in a non-romantic way as well. But not always. I'm sure there are plenty of friendships that have been thrown into the spin cycle, only to be taken out of the dryer 45 minutes later in even better shape than when they started. But I'm pretty sure that's rare.
The reason that I'm writing on this specific topic is that I recently experienced a classic example of "just friends." I was person A. Being relegated to the friend zone is not my favorite thing in life. But it's also not the worst thing. Painful? Yes. Embarrassing? Yes. Awkward? Definitely. Funny? It will be in the future. I'm looking forward to that day. For now, I remain vulnerable. But vulnerable is a good place to be sometimes. It's honest. And human. And healing.
If you haven't seen the movie "Just Friends," you should make it happen. Especially if you have ever been on either side of this kind of relationship. It will provide a comedic take on the "friend zone," particularly emphasizing the frustrations that emerge for the friend who is hoping for something more.
Person (A) needs to be more resilient. No one ever gets anywhere unless a risk is taken...
ReplyDelete