Lazy Saturday Afternoon

It is a very rare experience when I find myself with an entirely free day. No obligations, no specific plans, nothing holding me down or back. Today is one of those days, and it has been FANTASTIC so far. Interestingly enough, I always feel the need to set my alarm, even if there is absolutely no reason for me to be up at a reasonable hour. I inevitably end up pressing snooze multiple times, which defies the purpose of setting my alarm in the first place... Oh the things I do merely for the sake of doing them. Despite my slightly late start this morning, I've been on a mission to get a lot accomplished. While most people think of weekends as a time to sit on the couch and watch television, I consider the fact that the weekends are really the only time I have to do anything other than work, which makes me want to take advantage of them and accomplish as many "non-work" tasks as possible. Ironically, I usually do a significant amount of house work, but I actually find it to be relaxing. Or at least I find that I can relax much more in a clean house than in a dirty one. So after thoroughly cleaning my car, both inside and out, and cleaning up a bit around the house, I decided to practice the discipline of relaxation by laying out in the backyard and drawing. The way I see it, although laying out is a rather lazy thing to do, I was simultaneously working on my tan and exploring my artistic side. Multitasking during a lazy activity makes me feel much more accomplished. I ended up having a lengthy phone conversation with a friend, which means I didn't get any drawing done. But now that I'm back in the clean (and ever so relaxing) house, it's time to get started on my next masterpiece. I'm fully enjoying the lack of obligations and activities of the day, and am beginning to think that there may be some merit in succumbing to laziness every once in a while.

Recent Ponderings

Over the years, I have discovered that my deepest and most spiritual moments have taken place in nature. Whether I'm hiking through the alps, searching for sand dollars on the beach or laying in a field staring up at the stars, I experience an indescribable sense of peace- a connection with both creation and creator. Despite my constant doubts, the times when my faith seems to fail me and I question the purpose behind life itself, I cannot ignore the feeling that there is so much more than what meets the eye. Beyond the physical realm, there must exist a more powerful force or being that gives order to the chaos and reason to the inexplicable. Regardless of the scientific arguments and political rhetoric that claim to explain life as a mere series of random events, I believe without reservation that there is a level of divinity that exists beyond human comprehension. One can take a relativist stance, but if there is indeed a supreme being who rules over the universe, it seems to me that [His] existence and sovereignty are an absolute truth, regardless of one's personal perception and experience. If a blind man argues that the sky is green, does that make the sky green? My point with all of this (if I have one) is that creation itself speaks of a creator, and if there is a creator, is [He] not creator, and therefore Lord of all?

I'd love to hear your thoughts, as I by no means have this figured out.

A Dinner Ordeal

My family went out to dinner last week, which isn't something that we do very often. We decided to grace Buffalo Wild Wings with our presence because Rachael and Nathan had each received a free kids meal coupon from their school for a reading program and my mom had a $5 off coupon. So we arrived at the restaurant and were seated, but only after the hostess thought we wanted to order out because we were looking at the menu posted on the wall.

Now my family is good at a lot of things, but ordering food at restaurants is not one of them. For some reason, it is impossible for us to execute an order without some kind of hitch. We somehow manage to make it the most complicated task in the world. The waiter arrived and we all ordered waters (at this point he knows he's making a huge tip). We then attempted to complete our food order, which was about as difficult as the General Assembly making a unanimous vote. You can order wings in different quantities, such as 6, 20, or 32. So first, we had to decide how many wings we wanted. Done. Then we had to decide what sauces we wanted for the wings. There were about 10 to choose from, and you can have any many sauces as you want on as many of the wings as you want. We struggled with that decision for about 5 minutes. I could literally see our waiter's hair growing on his arms as he patiently held his order pad and counted the minutes that passed by.

My mom then proceeded to give the waiter Rachael and Nathan's free kids meal coupons, which he immediately pointed out were expired. WHAT??? Expired? But they had just received them. He said he would ask the manager if we could use them anyway. My mom then presented the $5 off coupon to the waiter, which he even more rapidly pointed out was not even for Buffalo Wild Wings, but was for another establishment called Wings and Things. At this point, I'm so embarrassed I want to crawl under the table. How do you make that mistake? The worst part of all is that it happens without fail every time we go out, at least in one variation or another.

I made a comment to my family about how ridiculous that process was and how we really need to start practicing our orders before we even get to the restaurant. It will save a lot of time and grief for all parties involved. My mom insisted that there wasn't anything abnormal about the situation, and that lots of families do the same thing. I vocally disagreed with her and insisted that nothing about our family is normal. However, once I got past the embarrassment of it all, I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. We ended up having a wonderful time (and even got to use the kids meal coupons). I definitely wouldn't call my family "normal," but then again, what is the norm, and who defines what that should be. I suppose our lives would be pretty boring if we fit into the so-called stereotypical "norm" that society has created.

Heavenly Fantasies

Earlier today as I consumed my daily caloric intake in mint oreos alone, I had a most fantastic epiphany. I'm almost certain that God has bestowed upon mankind the gift of mint oreos in order to provide a small glimpse of what we have to look forward to in heaven. The Bible speaks of heaven being a place of indescribable beauty- streets paved with gold, countless diamonds, rubies, and emeralds. Not even our wildest dreams do heaven justice. And although all of this sounds incredible, it occurred to me that having the streets paved with mint oreos would be a much more enjoyable experience for me. While gold is a valuable metal and boasts a lustrous shine, it's sole purpose in heaven would be purely aesthetic. Mint oreos, on the other hand, offer much more than aesthetic value. Not only do they resemble the streets with which we are familiar, but they are also incredibly tasty. I mean, can you imagine being able to walk down the street and take a bite out of the chocolaty asphalt whenever you feel compelled to do so? The mint frosting sandwiched between the two cookies would provide a vibrant alternative to emeralds, and could be used in lieu of grass, trees, and shrubbery. The clouds would likely be consistent with the taste, consistency and appearance of freshly-spun cotton candy, and the tree trunks could be composed of kit-kat bars. Anyway, I think you get my point. If heaven could be like Willie Wanka's Chocolate Factory, I'm pretty sure I'd be in heaven (both literally and figuratively speaking).


*The views expressed are based on my own opinions/desires, and are in no way representative of the Biblical description of heaven.
**This fantasy of an edible heaven is based on the assumption that calories will be nonexistent, and therefore will not contribute to the size of my thighs.

I'll Be Politically Incorrect if I Want to, and There's Nothing You Can Do About It

I was talking to my mom yesterday about some of the crazy changes our society is currently undergoing. One of those changes is the effort to avoid offending anyone, anywhere, for any reason. She recently listened to a radio talk show that discussed the new rules for what is allowed in public school textbooks these days. Some of the things that are now forbidden are absolutely ludicrous. Here's a list of banned items:

1. No pictures of pioneers where the woman is riding in the covered wagon and the man is walking. It alludes to the idea that women are the weaker sex.
   
2. The word "snowman: is forbidden. It must be replaced by "snow person."
   
3. We cannot refer to older people as seniors or elderly. They must be called an "elderly person."
4. It is improper to say "scarecrow." They must be referred to as a "straw person." (I have no idea what their reasoning is for this).
   
5. Satan is not allowed to be discussed. I suppose they're denying his existence, just as they have denied the existence of God.
   
6. If a man is depicted in a stressful situation, he cannot appear to be calm. He must appear to be stressed out. Depicting him as calm encourages the belief that men are less emotional than women.

The list goes on and on, but I think I've gotten my point across. It seems to me like our freedom of speech is absolutely being threatened, and what I'd like to know is who the crap comes up with these stupid rules. I mean honestly, what difference does it make if I say "snowman" or "snow person"? Who cares. I suppose snowmen can be females, but honestly, they're inanimate objects. Who gives a crap? And the fact that they've banned historic photos of pioneer families. That's just ridiculous. Go ahead and rewrite history, but make sure to leave out all the facts. All that matters is that we're politically correct. Good grief. I really don't know what else to say. I understand that it's important to be conscious of people's feelings, but if it means changing my entire vocabulary in an effort to prevent me from ever causing offense, then I say screw it. I'm not sure who gave these people the authority to come up with these new rules, but I certainly didn't, and I have no intention of following them.

Children vs. Pets

Parents often say that children are the best thing that ever happened to them, but I find that hard to believe. Children are annoying. Period. Yes, they can be cute if you dress them up in Halloween costumes or put pretty pink bows in their hair, but that warm and bubbly feeling you get from watching a baby giggle is quite transient. It soon dissipates when you realize what a terror they really are. They cry and scream when they don't get what they want, they get into as much trouble as possible, and they often refuse to obey you. The worst part is, when they're your kids, you can't get rid of them. Your stuck with them FOREVER! For these reasons, I am of the opinion that pets are a far more appropriate alternative unless you wish to enter a permanent state of responsibility, chaos, exhaustion, etc. Now I know I may be expressing my opinion in an extreme manner, but in an effort to be as unbiased as possible, I have created a list of pros and cons for both children and pets.


Children
Pros:

• Pass on the family name
• Can bring great joy and happiness to a couple
• Get to create a mini you
• Provide entertainment when your husband is boring
• Give you a real purpose if you feel you're lacking in that area
  

Cons:

• 9 months of misery
• Approximately 5-10 hours of extreme misery
• The end of your life as you know it
  
• They cry all the time
• Get into trouble on regular basis
• Have to change WAY too many diapers
  
• Need to hire a babysitter if you want to go out
• 24/7/365 job for 18 years, in some cases much longer
• Have to choose between career and motherhood
• VERY EXPENSIVE
• If they grow up to be screw ups, it's your fault
  

Pets
Pros:

• They're VERY cute
• Keep you company if you're lonely
• They don't talk much
• Usually easy maintenance
• Typically fairly inexpensive to care for
• Only need to hire babysitter when you leave town
  

Cons:

• They can be messy
• Have to train them to behave
• Can't really have good convo with them, even when they "grow up"
• Have to clean up their crap

What I have found is that the cons outweigh the pros when it comes to children, and the pros outweigh the cons when it comes to pets. Therefore, pets appear to be the obvious of the two choices.

* This argument is based on my current feeling towards children. However, I reserve the right to alter my view at any point in time.

Homelessness

One of the things I've realized post-graduation is that I haven't been in one place for more than 3 months since I first left for college. And when I say the same place, I don't mean a single address. I mean the same state. The setup was perfect for me: school in Philly, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter breaks in Michigan, and summers in San Diego. While some people may find that overwhelming, I love it. I love the variety. I love being able to travel. I have loved the extensive breaks that college offered me which allowed me to travel. So now, after spending an amazing "last" summer spread between California, Pennsylvania and Oklahoma, I'm finally home. Not home for vacation, but home for good. And I don't like it. It's been two days and I already feel stuck, smothered by the absence of possibility. Choked by the thought that I am no longer free to pick up and travel whenever I fancy. The worst part about it is that this doesn't seem like home to me. Home for me is a very fluid concept- the division of my life between three worlds. It is not a place, but a culmination of all the places that I've been and experiences that I've had. That is home for me. However, life is constantly changing, and I suppose I need to learn to change with it. Close the old chapter and open a new one as they say. The amazing thing is that I get to write the new chapter, at least to a certain extent.